simplicitxy

i'm feeling hungry and i want my thai food! sad to say most of my friends can't appreciate spicy food:(((((( after prom must eat. cannot eat before prom or will grow fat. i want my bear alsooooooooooooooooooo!!! i wantttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt! i wanttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!

oh the side note, i MIGHT be opening my blogshop. main and only sponsor, my mum. but only if i can give her a full proposal for it. not that she will read, but i know she wants me to make sure i know what i'm doing and not wasting her money. so far, i have not been receiving the utmost support.perhaps because i listed several money losing advantage. nictay mentioned partnership, actually it can be considered. but partnership is dangerous because there are people who you simply can't work with lar. friends okay, but when it comes down to money, a little hard. argh, all the plannings:((((((

well, last paper on monday then off to celebrate already!!!! whee~

PS: did i really mention i like bears often? how come i don't even remember i told people that?lols

was thinking what i should put as subject, and gave up after awhile. hahahas. was rewatching 200 pounds beauty and cried my eyes out, again. seems like this movie has the turning the tap on effect on me eh? hahahas. well, sky of love has the effect too. every time i watch this two movie, i would be crying like mad. it just sorts of trigger some effect on me, i have no idea why. not that i go plastic surgery or got a boyfriend that has cancer, but it just hit me hard. oh well, life has to go on.

YAY! just booked my facial appointment, bringing my brother along for his facial treat since he says he needs it. seems a little gay, but since he wanted to have nice healthy skin, then i shall be a nice sister and give him his free facial as his birthday present. expensive gift eh. hahahas. shall do my hair cut at the same time and after that go with him to the food fair. i must remember to cancel my date with jo manz. totally forgot i had a date with my brother until he just reminded me just now. gosh, so many things to do in a day, facial then haircut then food fair.

my prom preparation list is getting longer and longer. first i must go burn fats, although A levels helped a lot because i barely eat sometimes. become healthier by doing my running everyday. i have become less sickly after As. i knew it was the doings of what education can do to me. hahas. i was never that sickly last time lor. then go think what to do with the hair of mine. i like it straight sometimes, but i like it messy with waves sometimes. i like it black sometimes, but i like it brown sometimes. haiz. having hair is a chore. hahahas. next on the list after the hair is skin. other than facial, must stop being lazy and apply all my moisturizer and blah. then the exterior comes in. prom dress, bag, shoes, make up. its either restocked, buy new ones or book an appointment. bella suggested we get a person to do our hair and makeup on the day itself in the hotel that we are supposingly i assume that we are booking. then there is the nails. getting my manicure and pedicure on the day before prom. no matter how i calculate and save, i think prom is going to cost $200 minimum excluding the fees for booking a hotel for the regulars and the fees paid for the table. i wonder how pamela is gonna do all her prom shopping if she has so many events running concurrently. her band camps, LTC and god knows what other events she signed up for.

i am sooooo saving up to cut cost now and splurge after As. although it feels like the end of As already. but sadly, i have two paper left. econs and chem paper 1:(

i was telling sam about platonic friendship yesterday and we both agree some guys are too blind to believe that platonic friendship exist between opposite sex. i mean, there is some lar, i own a few platonic friendship with guys, but that doesnt imply that every girl is like that mah. go think about it, that girl likes you last time and perhaps now, and come on, girls instincts and sixth sense, we know our love rival once we see one. all i am saying is that we girls, are warriors of love. we knows when our enemy approach. its that simple. we just get all jealous and everything because we see what you guys don't see. and it pissed us even more if you guys cant see what is it that we are seeing. what we see as flirting, you guys sees it as normal. no wonder guys are the death of some girls. will vomit blood sometimes i tell you. try explaining it to your guy friends, i tell you they just wont understand or listen. i gave up trying to do so long long ago because male and female being opposite, just could not get each other perspective. and best of all, he would rebut you with the fact that its your character, your inability to trust and everything about you that is ruining the whole relationship. i cant exactly deny that because part of it is true. it is the character and inability to trust. but doesnt it boils down to whether you can love me for who i am? and the inability to trust, what is it that makes me doubt your words even if you are telling the truth? guilty acts? haiz. love makes you go crazy at times.

okay, i am starting to feel hungry already, gonna eat my lunch soon. ciaos. oh yea, i am off my hiatus status. hahas.

well, econs essays were gone case, i didnt get to finish my essays and everything that is suppose to came out didnt came out. my stronger micro questions didnt go well as usual. surprisingly, the only question that i am confident that would score well is the whole paper would be the macro question that i normally couldnt do. i am praying bell curve would push me up to a C grade, or i'm dead. argh, dead piece of meat!

its a sad day. not only is econs paper bad, but i am spending like my entire day alone. a little too quiet for my liking. brother had gone to chalet, and the whole house is freaking quiet without him bugging me. parents are busy with work and asked me to settle my dinner myself. and the best part is that dinner was cup noodles. haiz, how unhealthy. i know i am sounding like a spoilt brat, whining about such trivial stuff. but i'm feeling too sad to care. best part is i am disturbed by something that i saw on facebook that makes me see red. i know its a stupid emotion that i am feeling now, but i just don't know what to do with it. argh. sucker! IHY! damn irritated. i am now psychoing myself that i hate you, forever and ever. grrr... i am wasting my time. don't ask me what i see on fb, i would announce it here if i could say wouldnt i? angry until speechless. haiz. i feel like a stupid girl no. 1, getting upset over this kind of things when its so not worth it, people couldnt care less and i am getting upset.

the world is getting more and more complex as i grow. these people certainly broaden my perspectives of the world, letting me experienced more emotions than ever. i swear, if you take me for granted again, i would kill you!i'm feeling like a small kid going crazy again, ignore me please.

for the record, a levels is 10 days from today. zomg! exams sucks. anyway, enough about this no life subject

my favourite blogshop is having a sale! sianz, and i can't do anything about it because i am too busy to do online shopping. pieces are limited because its due to dead buyers, so things are going at more than 50% off. DANG! a few days ago i saw one of the on-sale items, which is a top that i have been eyeing for quite long but couldn't decide if i want to get it or not because i don't think its worth it at its original price. it's going for $10 now and i was crazy enough not to buy it because i was being greedy and wanted to hit the $60 and above purchases so that the charge of $0.50 per piece can be waived off. so i took my time to think what i should get. went to check just now, all those that was in my '$60 list' are mostly gone): now i am even further away from the $60 list. and its quite redundant to see if there are other pieces that i like because my top favourite belongs to another girl now): oh well. lesson learnt: stop being greedy! after a levels then shall i think if i should get that clutch, which is $30. can be used for prom! hahahas

well, there is nothing much to update. its pretty much like studying everyday and worrying about the cui pure maths. hahahas.eugene asked me to study in school today at 8. this idiot was late for 1.5hours. wake up call was at 7am in the morning. apparently he picked up my call and fell back to sleep again straight after that. made me wait for him in school for so freaking long. he got his karma though, he sprained his neck. hahahaha. i know the reason why he was late though, and being sympathetic about the plight he is in now, i just forgive him lor. i mean also nothing to be angry about. i was too tired, seeing that i only slept 3 to 4 hours the day before. oh well, lets hope things will get better for him. haiz. the trouble of a hoodie.

lunch combo was weird. with sam, eug, jiaquan, zhiyang and me. its like we hardly know each other. hahahas. oh well, but its alright lar. the session was quite funny although my poor brother is being polluted by eugene. BUT, i think my brother is already polluted in school, so it hardly makes any differences. hahahas
( and i don't understand )
its halloween by the way, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! trick or treats(:

graduation day on friday, not exactly sure what i am suppose to feel? happy that i finally somehow or another smoked through my 12 years of formal education? sad that 2 years is actually shorter than i really think it is? coming to JC has its ups and downs. although i am always complaining how the education system sucks and stuff and how much i want to quit school and blah but i have make good friends in this two years. in a sense, although life was stressful but i got through it with my friends, which seems to make everything better. even though they bully me every single day, but i know that in times of trouble, they do stand by me and that's all that matters, not that i am saying that i enjoyed being bullied by them, but you know what i mean(:

i guess certain spots in school has holds deep memories for me. places that i will tend to be reminded of the past, whether if i want it or not. i think my favorite place is at the piano at the fourth floor in the classroom block. seems like i went through my ups and downs there frequently. not that i go there to play the piano, most of the time i just sit there thinking of stuff, chatting with people and waiting. certain memories are just too deep to be forgotten.

i must say, i was reminded about the period i was in sec four 2 years ago. i think my life was the saddest at the point of time. life and death, SYF, O levels, shadow, acceptance, lost, the pact. you name it. i would say that my life now is way better than at O levels, whether you believe it or not. right till now, i still cry in my dreams whenever i dreamed of it. 2 years and the emotional scar is still there, unwilling to let go.

although i never thought i will say this, but i didn't regret coming into JC, NYJC especially, it was a bumpy ride but nevertheless filling up my life with colours and no longer black and white. there is a moment in life i thought life had become black and white for me, but i thank god for bringing back my smile, my colours in life. i thank god today for putting people in my life to make me smile(:

人生最大的悲哀是想走，走不了，想留，留不住。我的心事却无人能僚。对不起，我无法释怀。

eh, i know i said that i am on hiatus for blogging, but its just freaking boring to read everything about censorship online. why am i reading censorship online? because that is my homework before my next GP consultation. and since i switched on the com to print stuff, might as well just read lor.

its a happy day today. went to meet pamela to study at woodland's library. first time going there and i must say it's fairly nice. pamela gave me my christmas present from last year. see how long we didn't meet up? i must confessed though, it felt a little foreign at first, perhaps because of the long period of time that we did not see each other face to face though we did have late night phone calls. like i did not know if i should hug her or not because it felt weird. i guess it's also the fact that we are in different environment. i am contemplating if i should help her next year to restudy her subjects again so that she can retake her O levels as a private candidate. i know she is a N level graduate and a piano grade 8 holder, but i think if she has an O level cert, her future would be brighter isnt it? because she is lost now that i don't know how to bring her back on track without hurting her feelings or even make her feel inferior, that's the last thing i hope she is feeling now. if not for the stupid As that i am sitting for this year, i WOULD NOT let her waste her time like that this year. i know i said how stupid it is to be chasing after paper qualifications last time, but i am not denying how important it is as a key to career opportunities. and after the whole "laselle" issue, it makes me believe that even with music background, you have to have an average results before they will take you in. i have no idea why music talent and academic results matter, because in my mind, you can't have the best of both worlds, there must be a balance in life what. oh well, apparently singapore wants you to be perfect. such irony.

if i be a teacher next year, maybe i can kope materials from PHS to help her study(although she doesnt event want to take her exams now anymore but i believe i can convinced her) and at the same time used some materials from my brother's school to help her. co-tutoring both of them at FOC. super wei da sia. hahahahas.

all the talk about helping her is of course if i don't die before A levels. HAHAHAHAS.

i am feeling extremely bright recently, like things are not as bad as it seems that kind even though results doesn't tallies with my mood, however, this is not applicable to PURE MATHS. when i do pure maths, i think i sulked and frowned so much because i am feeling very very very very very helpless(any good vocabulary for extreme helplessness?) when i do the others, its okay. like i know where my problems lies and stuff and so just tackle those problematic areas. pure maths is HOPELESS. i never understand why people can score for maths since secondary school. primary school maths is just a facade please. if not how do you explain the scenario of me topping the class for maths during secondary school and getting an A for maths in PSLE and yet don't understand the mathematics behind all the pure maths i am studying now?

MATHS IS CUI!!!!!

yes i know, its a CAL language, so be it lar. i can't find any better word to describe how terrible my maths is. tell me if you know.

smile with your heart, so that you can brighten up their heart. in this cold cold world, if the warmest heart turns cold, the world must have disappoint her, badly.

( you never get it do you? )

hiatus， hiiii a levels.

a few days ago, i woke up in fear, not sure if i was still in a dream or back to reality. i was really really scared, because for a moment i thought that the dream was real and there is nothing that i can do to make things changed. no matter how much i screamed, shouted, struggled or cried, i just couldn't do anything. my first instinct was to call and check on the person, luckily before i could press the call button, i began to calm down a little and realised its just a dream, it didnt really happen.


its because i cared that's why i fear losing so much. i guess everyone has their weakness and mine is just the fear of losing people i love. you cannot understand how scared i was every time i saw the people i love, no matter whether its family or friends, in my dream when they die or something happened to them. the scariness of this whole dreaming thing is some times, the dream just doesn't go away. 

the good thing about these few days is i managed to loss some weight.skirt getting a little loose. hahas. must be thinking how i created this miracle right? actually i didn't tried to lose weight on purpose, i even forgot about my "running to destress cum burn fats" plan. i just didn't had the appetite, that's all. i tried to eat, really, and even though i am hungry, i just do not have the craving for food. must be the pressure and everything else, hahahas.

mr haniss talked about motivation and purpose of studying today. i know the reason for my lack of motivation, in a way, its linked with the purpose of why i am studying. i could not see the pleasure in competing. where people study because it's needed in their future, i study because i am forced to chase after the paper qualifications, to satisfy the hopes of many, to compete and shine among others. yea, in a way, its for my own future, but to pursue after something that i did not like was not what i wanted. i am just following blindly the footsteps of my cousin because there wasn't any alternatives for me. i don't understand why classmates have to compete with each other over how many marks they each got for the test, the rankings and everything. its just the sense of superiority that one gets when they triumphed over another and the the sense of inferiority when we lose out. why make your life so difficult? perhaps i am a pessimist by nature, but it's because i am a victim of the rat race that makes  me understand so well how tiring it is to always be competing.
( its just a boring old story of mine )well, i have no idea why i mentioned this old story, i guessed its the stupid stress and friendship problems that i am facing recently.hahahas.

( for the person that matters still )

for the record, i was a good girl, i did not cry at all although i almost did in the canteen today while i was buying fruits.

I NEED A HUG!
finally smiled through the day without fail. so tired. maybe i need a million hugs. scary day to begin with. mr tan was soooo scary, although he didnt scold me. econs camp was quite funny with the econs department putting up a good show for it. macs with the regulars plus chun fui and randy during the break. as usual, my appetite wasnt that big and good so i gave a lot of my fries to randy.

took back my econs, it was okay, but i still didnt hit my aim of getting 18/case study. need my case study to pull up my ZOMG freaking lousy essays. arghhhhh. but i think mr haniss felt that i improved from MYEs, so awaiting consultation with him. i realise one to one consultation works very well for me even though its very scary. i could still remember how when mr haniss asked me questions during the one to one consultation in the morning and i couldnt answer because its still early in the morning. but yea, its really good unlike mass consultation where i will tend to be quieter than usual.

as for maths, stats was still okay, practically all the marks from my paper 2 came from stats anyway. PURE MATHS WAS LIKE SHIT I TELL YOU. my brain just couldnt work with pure maths no matter if i practice or not. sucks. soooo, its the end of me. LKS GONNA HANG ME UPSIDE DOWN. much as i really want to die, wondering why i wasnt dead when i woke up this morning, i couldnt die because i am in no control of it. my actions are mostly determine by others because i value other's opinions too much.

i am in a CRISIS. somebody save me~

( gone )

休息是为了走更长远的路。 那停止是因为不想继续。又有谁知， 我的停止是为了什么事。 曾经以为只要相信就没有自己办不到的事。 因为固执是缺点，但坚持却是优点。 其实固执与坚持并无分别。 最大的不同是固执是当知道自己错了，却无动于衷。而坚持是坚守持续的完成自己的信念因为它是对的。 我想我不再固执，不再坚持， 不让自己在为你留下一涕泪。我想你不知道自己把我弄哭几次吧。其实自己也不曾数过。 隐隐约约知道的是，在很久以前，你就很轻易的把我给弄哭了。这种情绪的波动， 也只有你有这种本事吧。因为在乎， 而伤心流泪， 注定是一种死玄。我不想让自己在那么的软弱下去。 也许离开真是最好的方法。

( why does it have to become like this? )
well, on a brighter note, i am GOING OUT TOMORROW WITH MY DEARS. LOVE YOU VERY MUCH MY DEAR(: wahahahahas

i was doing a quiz on "what country song tells your story" and the result i got is:
'You are completely and utterly in love and can't imagine yourself with anyone else. Your a dreamer, and just want your "happily ever after." To you, life is a fairytale, and you want your love story to fit the description perfectly. You are ussually optomistic and always want the best for everbody, but sometimes you doubt yourself and lose confidence in others.... dont worry your prince will be here soon to sweep you off your feet and make everything ok.'
QUITE TRUE OKAY! hahahas. perfectionist at work. but i am not in love. hahahas. and and and, exams are almost over and i am sick like some dying patient. head hurting like mad every single day and having bad dreams every night on exams. hahahas. too stress eh? hahahas. dear god, can you please stop time and let me play till i got bored then start time again. it sucks lar, this kind of life. i was hoping to go out after prelims tomorrow, but the timing ain't really suitable for going out. ridiculously, i was hoping that i will win the lottery one day or something or having a distant relative that willed some money to me so that i will have tons of money, must be thinking why i want money so badly all of a sudden right? because i want to buy tons of stuff and there always seems to be not enough cash to buy all the things i want. its like impossibly infinite wants and limited wealth for me to spend. the wonders of money lar. hahahas.

you know every time i pass by my neighbour's house during dinner time i will smell the familiar smell of food. perhaps the word 'famliar' doesn't seems apt in describing the smell of food, but that is the feeling i got whenever i pass by my neighbour's house when she is cooking. i think it's been two years going to three that i last smell that kind of cooking smell. that's the smell when my grandfather used to cook for me when i go over his house. it's amazing how come no one went to ask him to impart his culinary skills to them letting it go to waste and bringing it to his grave.  perhaps it was the fact that he was diagnosed with lung cancer 4 or 5 years ago(i can't remember how long) that no one dared to asked him to impart the skills to them. or perhaps its because i discover my passion for cooking too late. i was still too young last time to really understand what is the meaning of "cooking for your loved". to be honest, i used to hate cooking, i think its a chore, its a task that needs great patience and time. and i seems to be lacking the patience and time, so i convinced myself that i do not have the ability to cook. but now, when i grow up, i realise how much i missed out. if i have my grandfather around still, i would asked him to impart all his skills to me. to help him continue this passion for cooking, to cook for love.  to let him know that even if he were to go, his skills are imparted, he did not live his life in vain for nothing.i will make sure that everyone is well fed. oh well, everything is just too late. i am sure even if i am not going to be a chef in the future, i will still make sure i know how to cook. just wait till i got over my fear for touching raw food like fish and meat. i am still trying my best not feel disgusted every time i hold those stuff, long way to go manz xinyi! hahahas.

then is it true that when the music ends, the love that used to surround us will end? broken relationship, broken faith, teary eyes, broken heart, nothing left but a broken note? its sad when relationships turns sour, friends turning into enemies, and lovers becoming strangers.

today eug said something, no matter whether it was on purpose or not, it occurred to me that what he said was true. perhaps its the pride, or its the broken faith, no matter what, there really is this invisible wall between us already. i could not bring myself to place great trust on you, not because i am sick of you, but just trying to protect myself because i never know when you are going to turn selfish and just leave me to die alone. its the fact that i know we are best friends and yet you couldn't do as much as i did for you. its the fact that you can help others when you don't even bother to offer your help to me. i thought best friends share weal and woes together? it was when you need help, need something from me, then would your warmness extend to me. what went wrong? sometimes i dont think i understand you at all. i would say i did my part, keeping practically no secrets from you, be there with you when your heart broke, and yet i couldnt say that for you. i would want to give you some credit, but sometimes i cant helped feeling being taken advantage of. is it because of the unbalanced balance in relationships? where one would tend to give more than the other? perhaps its my inability to ask for more and your ability to ask for all, that makes this relationship so tired, so faithless.

well, on a side note, chem P3 was quite screwed in a sense i still wasnt prepared enough lar. and the fact that i really really want to go to the toilet because i drank too much water in the morning but cant, makes me very distracted. gosh! must score for P1 and P2. i dont want to go to the DESU thingy.

the dresses online are getting uglier:(((( but i still like some of the new stocks that just came in. quite special. wonder how would it be like to have a blogshop of my own? i think i will end up buying everything myself, HAHAHAHAHAHAS. but i can visualise how fun it would be to be out sourcing in other countries to bring in new stocks. like get to go on trips, do shopping and at the same time planning for your business. hahahas. if i have the money and time, i might just open a blogshop with a few my friends, partnership anyone? hahahas. i am sure with my fashion sense, we will make SUPERNORMAL PROFITS IN THE SHORT RUN! its impossible to earn supernormal profits in the long run lar. its a MC market structure leh. but we can still make normal profits, enough to be happy with(: zomg, too much econs!

seriously though, i saw this class at the CC near my house that offers dressmaking courses and its quite cheap, $68 for 12 lessons i think. i really really feel like going because then i would be able to learn how to make dresses and make and design my own dresses, but my mum said its for aunties! and i am not an aunty lar. then i go there alone will be super akward and weird because i will be the youngest 'aunty' there. and judging from the fact that my friends do not have such interest in this kind of stuff, i doubt they will want to join me for it. oh manz! and its damn bad if i asked the receptionist if the course its for aunties right? i mean its like a discrimination towards aunties. and if i discriminate against aunties, i will be shooting myself because i will grow old one day. how would i feel if a girl discriminate me when i am the aunty? argh, sucks!

lim lim is going crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feeling a little of everything today. like a plate of rojak, mixed feelings eh :X a little panicky(prelims on monday), a little uncertainty(again, prelims on monday!), a little confidence in myself(because i don't know what i have done exactly throughout the whole holidays, got study like never study that kind of feeling), a little happy(from a sms that asked me to smile because i realised people does care, no special meaning though.), a little high(because i had thai food for dinner), a little full(because i just finished dinner not long ago),a little tired(from the journey to A levels), a little emo(i guess its just pms),a little faithless towards relationships between human(because i no longer believe), a little angry(because i still cannot stand selfish people that affects others despite telling myself nobody is perfect), a little disgusted with myself(because i just seems to be finding faults with myself recently), a little grumpy(because i didnt get to go out and play throughout the whole holidays), a little observant(because i got a feeling something is going to happen although i have no idea what is going to happen), a little hopeful(that god will cast a miracle and call exams off).

rahhhhhhhh, i am so feeling better after posting this 'a little of everything' post.i need the motivation to move along. i envy yiwei, because she got something to look forward to after exams. nothing for me to look forward to when A levels end. A levels itself ending is not something to look forward to because it will end eventually. i don't think there is much joy about A levels itself ending. no wonder i have no motivation this whole period. i need a focus, a goal to make me feel that other than A levels ending, there is something to look forward to. to put it bluntly, if i am leaving, whats so great about looking forward to leaving and getting my heart broken to leave all my loved ones behind? i dont like! dont like! dont like! then the million dollar question becomes "why do i want to leave then?"nobody wants me to leave anyway. and not like going away will competition ends. 5 years later, when i am back in singapore, the rat race continues. omg! bth bth bth bth bth. maybe i shall not leave but get away for awhile, go to a place where nobody knows me for a period and come back when i think i enjoy enough. hahahas.

i think i am suffering from depression. HAHAHAHAHAS. this reminds me of the time when i told everyone that i am suffering from depression because of one stupid quiz i did that says i am 70% depressed. nobody believes me though. i think i am a easily satisfied girl. there are little things that makes me happy. like the smell of the rain, it brings serenity. like sitting down and read a good book makes me happy too.(yea i know, it makes me cry sometimes)doing art makes me happy, getting in touch with music makes me happy. spending time with people i like makes me happy too. BUT I DON'T SEEMS TO BE DOING ALL THESE STUFF ANYMORE!!!! no wonder i don't feel happy or joyous or excited or whatever adjectives that describe happiness.

speaking of people that makes me happy, actually there is only some. hahahas. people like my 5 sisters, my dears(yw happens to be in both), and people who i feel at ease with without any pressures. don't assume. there are things that goes beyond what it looks like. there might be the possibility of some people that makes me feel uncomfortable even though i might be spending every waking minute of my life with them. go figure. life is paradoxical. xinyi IS ironic. she does what people wants and never really what she really wants.

i think i must be out of my mind! hahahas, but yea, i did my comment thingy for the phs book. hahahas. HAPPY! i am so glad i am talking online with my dears, even though i promised to abstain from the computer. hahahas. oh well oh well, i am sure god understands. hahahas.

/edit
i was pretty offended with my cousin just now when my cousin decided to go offline without even saying a word. other then replying a "ya" when i asked him if he injured his leg, he just totally ignored me and went offline. it was plain rude in a sense, but after when i saw his blog, from his tone, his post, and practically every little clue that i can find, i realise he is in a very bad state. actually, i think he is broken up lar. i know exactly how it feels, because i had a hard time stitching myself back too. i know how much it hurts lar. its like nothing seems to matter anymore, you don't know how to smile, you don't know how to act. basically, you can't feel anymore. but life goes on, time continues ticking away. if there is anything that is not moving in the world, its you. you seems to be stuck at the point of time when your heart shatters and no force seems to be able to force you to leave. to tell the truth, there is a certain extent what your friends and family can do for you. there is still the little inner part of yourself that hurts so badly and yet nobody could understand. no matter whether its your unwillingness to share, or your inability to share, its a fact that only when you managed to make that little part of yourself stop hurting so much then would you be able to start recovering. that little part of me stop hurting already. i hope it will be the same for my cousin too, time will fade everything. cheers(:[even though he can't see this]

i wanna spread my happiness to the whole wide world so that everyone is happy! i realise i don't see smiles on people's faces anymore. and its all the stupid 'stress' fault!

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now that i am feeling extremely tired, i am not happy anymore. my happiness can't last eh. tons of things going round in my head. thinking of several stuff basically like A levels, and rie hating me(i hope its not lar) i must admit i am one that cannot multi-task, especially when i am suppose to cope with relationships and results at the same time, its a no go. in fact, its an absolute no go. oh god, i hope it's just all my stupid paranoid thinking. its not forgoing friendship for exams, its just not a right time to fight with my parents or friends when i need absolute concentration on studies.

i promise not to talk to anyone online anymore unless needed. I CAN DO IT!!!! 

alright! stopping my work for a moment for my two dearest. its the last day in the month of august and its the month whereby both my dears were born. hahahas. albeit that i am not born on the month of august, but i am born on the 8 of january. so there, three of us are linked by the number '8'. notice how if you tilt the '8' to a sleeping position its the sign of infinity? cool eh? hahahas. so it signifies our friendship is going to last forever and ever. hahahas.

so on 080891 my dear xiaoman was born. and although i did not see her baby photos, but i assumed she must had been a cute baby(like come on, every baby is cute no matter what. hahahas)and then she grow to be a great beauty adored by many. hahahahas. 

and ta-da, her classic stare.(i think i can imagine her looking at me like this when she saw this post, scary eh)


and nah>> the great beauty is on the left(:

i really do love this girl, although sometimes she's a little crazy and screams at a high pitch(and so do i), but i love her to bits<3s

and next, i am going to show yiwei's classic. its still fresh in my memory. honestly, i think when both of them saw what i posted, they will really want to kill me. hahahas. don't worry, nobody reads my blog eh. hahahas

nah! i can't exactly remember why we have this shot actually. i think she put the whole mochi icecream into her mouth. and i think i was the one who told her to do that? hahahahas.


and still as pretty as ever, there she is on the left, she's born on 300891(:


i guess god didn't put us together by chance. we didn't went to 1faith by accident, and subsequently 2faith, 3grace,4grace and then nanyang. we went to this classes and schools because god wants us to know each other, and treasure each other because these are the real friends that we really needed in our life. friends that won't forsake when in need. i guess both of them knows how important they are to me. shall not say much. a picture says a thousand words. so there(:

很久以前我读过一则简讯， 简讯就说了这一句话。 或许对以前的我是没有什么深刻的意义，只是会觉得这句话非常有意义罢了。 但现在的我终于充分体会这句话的含义。原来实际的距离并不重要。 重要的是心的距离。两个在说话的人不一定就有任何亲密关系，还可能完全没有任何关系。打个比方来说，你和一个在街上问路的陌生人解释怎么样到达他想去的地方， 可是你们两个是完全不认识，毫无关系的两人。只是出于好心帮忙罢了吧。因为不认识，心的距离当然遥远。可是也有时候，两个曾经能谈天说笑，无所不谈的人，明明在聊天， 可是心是如此的遥远，那种距离仿佛有永远走不完的路。为什么会这样，是自己在钻牛角尖吗？还是一切都没有从新再来得机会？相反的，有时候，感觉上最遥远的人，心的距离却是那么的靠近， 仿佛片刻都没离开过。 是我们搞不清楚 ’距离‘的定义，还是有始至终是自己不知道自己的心的所在位置而便不能衡量心的距离。这真是一个值得思考的问题。